How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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