You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
