he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
