i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
