Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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