is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
