I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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