just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
