Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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