And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
