She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
handjob tips. give me some.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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