your room smells of hookers.
And success
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
