he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
