I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
