Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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