The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
