Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
