We're facebook friends in real life
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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