Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
