actually, I'm a sock model
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
