Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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