totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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