I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
