I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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