and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
