My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
