I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
