I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
