i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
