I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
