Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
