Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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