The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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