Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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