I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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