Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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