Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
