Dude my mom stole all your condoms
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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