Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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