my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
