Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
