i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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