I'm sorry my penis didn't work
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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