My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
