I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
