just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
