i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Pooping to opera.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
