New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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