toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
