pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
