either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize