Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
