Can Purell be used as lube?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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