You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
