Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
