when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
