dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
