the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
