I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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