if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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