as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
