cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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