Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
