other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
