How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
