I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
