tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize