I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
