An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How external is "for external use only"?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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