I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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