That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
