goodnight i made you a song goodbye
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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