My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
