It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
