someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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