My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I AM VODKA MAN
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize