I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
