Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
